The Sneaky One

How is every little thing? Life in my little corner could be easier, but it’s going okay.

I’ve resolved a bunch of health issues I’ve been having for the last, oh, I don’t know…decade? I’m not going to say how, because no one should listen to health advice from some rando blogger.

BUT I did want to say that I realize now that depression doesn’t always look like someone who can’t get out of bed. I wanted to share because someone else out there might not realize that their issues are bigger than they thought.

I knew I had anxiety. That was a given, anxiety in general, but especially social anxiety. My doctor advised me to take something for it, which I did. It helped to keep me calm most of the time, but it was still the wrong thing. 

Anyway, back to the depression. 

Just because you manage to get out of bed and push yourself through workouts and workdays and everything else you were supposed to do doesn’t mean there isn’t an underlying issue.

For me, depression looked like this:

• extreme social anxiety
• general testiness 
• too much gaming
• insatiable sugar cravings that I fought SO hard
• trouble sleeping and an almost complete inability to sleep properly
• weight that refused to come off no matter how strict I was about my calorie count or how much I worked out

I’m probably missing a few things, but you get the idea. With some proper brain chemical balance, almost every one of these issues were all but resolved within a period of 2 weeks. 

The social anxiety is still there, somewhat, but I do find myself talking to people more. 

And the sleep? Omg, I’m pretty sure that before this, I hadn’t achieved a proper REM state in a good 10 years. I used to lie awake crying sometimes because I couldn’t understand why my body refused to sleep when I was so exhausted. 

But now is different. Now is better. I didn’t even know people could sleep as hard as I sleep. 

As far as the sugar cravings go, I have never not wanted to eat sweet stuff. Even when I was a kid, I fiended for it like it was some kind of drug. I no longer care about it. There’s ice cream in my refrigerator, and I haven’t touched it in a week.

Finally, the weight issue wasn’t crazy, but it has bothered me for a long time. No matter how hard I worked at trying to lose it, the best I could do was keep it from spiralling out of control. I always wondered why other people could diet and exercise and actually lose pounds. It looks like magic to someone who can’t do that. Now, the pounds are melting off like I never thought they could. 

Despite all the stuff that’s going on in my personal life right now, I feel infinitely better. I feel like I can handle almost anything.

So keep an eye out for the sneakier tactics depression might employ, and if you get a doctor that won’t help you properly, find a better one.

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